I didn’t want to play lead guitar anyway.
2/5/2016, 7:37 a.m. Epic Sax Guy continues to rack up millions of views on YouTube. This viral video begs you to try the “10 Hour” challenge. The longest we ever made it at Slickster was 45 mins of Epic Sax Guy, and there were fist fights breaking out. If this is your first time to our site, welcome and have a look around. You’ll notice that we have a sick fetish for everything that was radical in the 80s.
While there is no denying that during the 80s the musical spotlight belonged to the guitar solo, there was an abundance of saxophones solos as well. In an attempt to make the quickly fading instrument still viable in the dawn of a digital era, these solos were often cheesefests of squawking and shreaking moments of laughable expression.
For the purpose of this list, we are only focusing on pop music. We won’t include any fucking awful smooth jazz, so keep your Kenny G. Christmas album put away. We thought this was a pretty original idea, counting down the top 10worst 80’s saxophone solos. We were wrong…. again. Check out http://imacomputa.org/sax for the definitive collection of horrible pop saxophone solos. This list will test the limits of the most hardcore saxophone enthusiast. Get out your shoulder pads and eyeliner, because we’re jumping in a Dolerean and going back to 1985 with the top 10 worst 80’s saxophone solos.
10. Your mom’s.
Yep, starting the list with that. Boom goes the dynamite.
9. “Careless Whisper” – George Michael, Wham!
We love the viral video of the guy playing Careless Whisper in the mall. Why the hell didn’t we think of that? At one point, the epitome of sultry and sexy, now it is a punch line to every 80’s joke. Instantly recognizable, and just imagine how many girl-boy romances, boy-boy romances, girl-girl, girl-girl-boy, girl-boy-boy-boy-boy-boy-boy-boy….You get the idea. Yeah, your parents made out to this. Get that out of your head while you listen to this awful sax solo.
8. Gerald Albright – Castlevania: Symphony of the Night end credits, “I am the Wind”
OK, here is an obscure one, and yeah, we know it’s not in the 80s. We love Castlevania games, so we’re putting it in here, anyway. From the 1997 Konami game, Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, here is Gerald Albright’s snooze fest saxophone solo. Can you imagine, fighting through both levels of what many gamers consider to the be the best Castlevania game of all time and this is your reward!? You beat the normal game. You got the secret glasses and beat the upside down game (brilliant level design, by the way). You defeat Dracula, and then… you get listen to the worst song on the entire legendary soundtrack of Castlevania: SOTN. Bravo, Konami.
7. Wang Chung – “Dance Halls Days”
Everybody have fun tonight. No, let’s not. Making number seven on our list of the worst 80’s saxophone solos is this steaming pile of Wang Chung Dung.
6. Michael Stanley Band – “Lover”
We had never heard of this one, but found it on the list above. It is kinda of litmus test for everything that needs to happen to have a terrible 80’s sax solo. Awful tone, extremely over exaggerated emotion and a talented musician swallowing his pride to make a living at time when acoustic horns were rapidly being phased out of pop music.
5. Icehouse – “Don’t Believe Anymore”
We don’t believe anymore, either. Guess there was a reason ol’ Icehouse didn’t play at the Superbowl halftime show that year. But speaking of the Superbowl, here is one group that DID play at the Superbowl.
4. Chicago Bears – “Super Bowl Shuffle”
The 1985 Chicago Bears are the stuff that legends are made of. Mike Ditka and Walter Payton lead the team not only into the history books but into sports fans’ hearts forever. Everyone loves a bad 80’s rap, right? Wrong, and nothing can make a badly crafted hip hop track (and dance) than an atrociously bad saxophone solo. Just in time for Superbowl 50, check this one out. (Skip to 2:40 if you can’t “BEAR” the rap.)
3. Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam – “Lost in Emotion”
There is nothing to say, I’m lost in emotion at how bad this saxophone solo is.
2. Tim Capello – “I Still Believe”
Similar to number six, we hope our runner-up on the 80’s worst saxophone solos is still believing. The 80’s saxophone solo desperately needed to die a quick and painless death, but tracks like this went to great lengths to try to make it work. Kind of.
1. Alf – Season Three and Four Theme song
Like a bubblegum flavored tea bagging, this was neither asked for or needed. The third and fourth seasons of Alf (Alien Life Form, for those of you who’ve never eaten cats… and no, we’re not talking about being p.c. about “pussy crushing.”) utilized the tenor saxophone for the entire melody. While not as awful as some of the sax solos on this list, we thought just the concept deserved to be number one on the list. Imagine your favorite television sitcom, presently. You are sitting down to binge watch it on ProjectFreeTV and have to skip over the first 60 seconds of the credits. Now imagine your streaming feed needs to buffer endlessly and the only way to stop it is to listen to this awful 80’s sax solo. Do you understand why this is the first choice?
Bonus Round. Kenny Loggins – “Danger Zone”
Early Tony Scott gave us Top Gun and launched Tom Cruise’s career into orbit. Kenny Loggin’s “Danger Zone” was used not once not twice, but THREE times in the same movie! The outro sax solo is so awesomelly 80s it makes us want to jump into F-16 fighter jet and go blast the shit out of some Red communist MIGs. Are you on highway to the danger zone? You bet a cargo plane flying a load of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong you are.