Boobs are great. Video games are great too. So when you take those titties and put them in a game? That’s a recipe for a grand old time. So today we’d like to take a minute to break down the history of boobs in games. An orientation to oppai. A jaunt with jiggle physics. A conversation with cans. A prance, with puppies. It’s time to talk tits.

Oppai! Er, Opa!

We’ve all seen them in games. The one girl who has a bit more bounce than the rest. For many, the poster child, (more like centerfold) of the best breasts in gaming goes to Lara Croft. And who could blame you? I mean… look at those cannons. Well, they’re more like torpedos, but still! Many young men fantasized about those titillating triangles throughout their youths.

And Japan made sure to say hi to oppai early on as well. Be it Ivy from Soul Caliber, Chun Li from Street Fighter, or Mai Shiranui from King of Fighters, Japan knows what’s up. In fact, many of the most famous (and infamous) examples of jiggle physics come from Japan. The aforementioned Mai Shiranui is the first documented case of jiggle physics in games in fact! 

Gravity Defying Jiggle Physics

While everyone agrees boobs are awesome, some believe that they might be too awesome. Or at least, got to the point of ridiculousness. With Jiggle Physics reaching Jell-O like proportions with the bounces, everybody agreed that something needed to be done. After all, when your breasts begin to wobble in different directions, in and out… it’s just weird.

The most recent case of jiggle physics gone wrong (or right if you like oddly wobbly knockers) is Street Fighter V. Chun Li, ironically considered the best legs in video games, had her Jell-O tits going on. I mean seriously, just look at the one on the right. Capcom blamed the issue on a bug, patched it out, and went on with their lives. But the wiggly, jiggly memes live on to this day.

After the latest in a long line of unrealistic sweater puppies, everybody decided it was time to focus on the boobs. And focus on a little bit of realism. And thus born, was the Boob Jam. A game developer jam for creating realistic breast physics for games. (It might sound silly, but remember: Somebody spent a year working on the physics for Batman’s cape.) What became of it, was a bunch of wonderful, and downright weird games centered around breasts. Awesome.

Keeping Abreast with Things

Accusations of sexism aside, everybody knows jiggle physics are weird. Some argue it’s artistic, some will say it’s an affront to nature. Others just think they’re awesome. But there is no denying, that the world of digital D cups can get pretty weird. The greatest example of how weird (and creative) jiggle physics in games can be, is found on the Nintendo 64: Conker’s Bad Fur Day. In it this M rated platformer, you play a drinking, smoking, bad mouthed squirrel. And you use a Sunflower’s gigantic tits as a bouncing platform. Seriously, check it out.

Shit, the Dead or Alive Serious was taken hostage by their own ridiculous jiggle physics. What was once a decent fighting game series, became the punchline of gaming for the polygon puppies. As of today, they’re more known for their Beach Volleyball games than the actual fighting games. And when you say “Beach Volleyball” it really just means mindless tasks to do so you can look at them anime titties some more. Don’t believe me? Check out the trailer for the 2016 release of Xtreme 3.

From Oppai with Love

The future of boobs in games is as solid as most of your dicks are after watching these trailers. Video games continue to get weirder and weirder. And with that weirdness, comes an acceptance of the ridiculous. So it looks like big ol’ boobs on polygonal stick figures is here to stay. And the future looks exceptionally bright in the land of the rising sun. While their birth rate continues to drop in Japan, the cup sizes for their characters is only going up.

Allow me to introduce you to Senran Kagura.

If you really want to get your hands on a game that jiggles like gelatin in an earthquake, this series has your back. The game gives absolutely no fucks when it comes to realism. You got ninjas flying all over the place doing flips and shit wearing what amount to cloth bikinis. DDD breasts are the smallest they come in half the time. And they make sure to zoom wayyyyyyyyyyyy in for the glory shots. And the panty shots.

So if you need to get your daily dose of anime titties, we got you covered. Here’s the latest trailer for the upcoming Senran Kagura game.

Summary

So to summarize everything: Boobs are awesome. Let’s add more.