Twelve Foot Ninja – One Hand Killing

Ok, so we here at Slickster try to keep up on cool shit like music and cutting-edge videos games  We fail constantly, because we have stuff to do.  You know, like run a successful magazine and stuff. And STUFF! Which means that when we refer to Twelve Foot Ninja as being an ‘awesome NEW band’, there will be someone out there who says, “New? They’ve been around 4-ev-er!” We respond to that angst riddled suburban teen (which by the way, we were brah too… you’ll get over it, trust us), dude get a life. Or lose your virginity, which kind of means the same thing.

Anyway, while doing steady-handed ‘research’ on the best twerking vines on YouTube, we found Twelve Foot Ninja. With a name like that, you sort of feel compelled to have look, right? The first instinct was along the lines of, “Oh great, fucking rap metal is coming back again.” For those of you who had to live through those years, let’s take a moment of rap metal silence. Let’s make it an eternity of rap metal silence.

With a freshly downed fistful of OTC flu medicine making my head swim, and phlegm coughing on the keyboard I pressed the thumbnail for ‘One Hand Killing‘.

Have Ya been busy?

My first impression was, ‘Awesome!’ What we have here is another Protest The Hero. A band that is so badass, they don’t need to act all scary and metal.  You know why?  Because they ARE metal.  That’s right. You can have a fucking lame Casio keyboard solo in your djent inspired shredfest and still be metal. How is this possible, do you ask? Because the spirit of metal is to give the middle finger to everything commercial and play some gnarly music along the way. Remember when Metallica was good? Neither do we.

So, have ya been busy?

But can you go too far? If a signed Christmas card from Twelve Foot Ninja is metal, where does one draw the line? Going back to Metalli-Lame. Was dissing Napster metal? Maybe the ‘metal’ thing to do was embrace file sharing. Of course, we all know how that worked out. But there is no denying it, there are some things that are definitely not metal.  Twelve Foot Ninja selling $30 Christmas Cards to support their ALLEGEDLY alcohol-fueled sonic thunder-struck love blasts; metal. Gay unicorn bukkake; not metal.

Lets have a panel of experts to offer an opinion….

So, how busy have you been?

1. Busy as a blowfly at a BBQ.
2. Busy as a cat burying shit on concrete.
3. Busy as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking competition.
4. Busy as a dog with two fucking dicks?

Leave your answer in the comments below.

One Hand Killing Video Credits:

Produced & Directed – Stevic MacKay
Edited & Coloured – Ben Davies
Cinematography & Lighting – Mick Hurren
Additional Shooting & Direction – Ben Davies
Shot at Wick Studios, Brunswick, Victoria, Australia
(Special thanks to Lynn Robnett)