Frosty: Not-so-friendly Jack Frost horror movie review.
12/28/2015

Written by: J Everett Garibay

As far as ripping off movies goes, here’s one for the taking. Jack Frost: not the kid friendly Michael Keaton movie, but the cheesy, campy 90’s horror flick. It’s a total rip off of Child’s Play, just without the voodoo aspect.

It starts off in with a serial killer, Jack Frost, on his way to be executed. Somehow, he escapes his shackles and kills the guard. I’m no expert on prison transfers, but I’m pretty sure that they would make sure that someone as dangerous as H.H. Holmes would not be able to get lose. They don’t even explain how he gets lose. Come on, movie, give a little more explanation. It would have taken 15 extra seconds to show him picking the cuffs with a paper clip or something.

Then they crash into a tanker truck containing some genetic mutagen, and this is how his cells combine with the snow. Get ready for the shit show. I mean, come on, was someone doing a line of cocaine, and thought, “Snow? Horror? Tweak a few things from an old movie…” and the title “Jack Frost,” it sounds like an off-brand of Frosted Flakes.

So his main goal is to take revenge on the cop that caught him, killing anyone who gets in his way. And the accident just happened to be on the outside of said cop’s town. Talk about originality. Michael Myers was at least sent 150 miles away from Haddonfield.

Jack finds his way to the town and the “horror” begins. Finding his way to Sam’s, the cop’s, house and forming himself into a snowman. Sam’s son is the one who gives jack his black coal eyes and carrot nose, when he starts getting picked on by some bullies. Jack knocks one of the bullies down, and he gets decapitated by a sled. Yes, a fucking sled. And Sam’s son isn’t even fazed by this. Call me crazy, but wouldn’t a 10-year-old be a little more upset? Not just all, “Oh the snowman did it.”  Hell, your everyday adult would be in shock, and probably barley be able to speak.

Jack Frost Horror Movie Trailer (1997)

Eventually the town sees that the kid is not crazy and there is in fact a killer snowman.

Killer Snowman, sounds like a bad 80’s rock band. Time and time again, they try to kill him. Now, he can transform from liquid to ice, and make these icicles protrude form his body. First, they think shooting him will do the trick. Um, have they not been paying attention? He’s made of fucking frozen water! Then they blow him up in a building. Well let’s go back to elementary school science, fire melts ice, what is this man made of? And nobody in this town can remember that electricity separates water molecules. God, this town is stupid! So finally they have the brilliant idea to go after him with, wait for it, hair dryers. That’s right, hair dryers. And after that, Sam leads him upstairs of the town hall where he and Jack fall through a window into the back of a truck filled with anti-freeze making him unable to regain his form as the ever-so-frightening snowman.

This movie is more of a comedy than a horror. Bad puns, bad acting, a Shannon Elizabeth sex scene, and the sets! Holy shit, the sets are frakking atrocious! Jack is nothing but a big thing of Styrofoam, when the town is building snowmen for their annual competition, the snow looked like shredded coconut!  There is one overhead shot that just sent me over the edge. The camera was under an awning and the “icicles” were of those cut-cotton sheets you would use to make your house look festive.

The budget on this was probably not very high, but they could have at least spent a few extra bucks on some plastic icicles. I mean, come on, don’t cut corners everywhere. But then again, they probably had to, otherwise nobody would have gotten paid. All in all, bad movie altogether. I had a good time tearing it to shreds. Fun for its extreme campiness, but not scary by any means. Another thing that makes me laugh is the trailer, it gives the entire plot to where you don’t even need to watch the damn movie.