NEWS

Essential workers beware. Stay-at-homers are returning to the workplace.

March 24, 2021

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Brace yourself. The end of online meetings is neigh.

During the 2020 COVID panic, many business discovered that some of their employees could work from home. With the advent of fast internet and virtual workspaces, anyone who was considered ‘non-essential’ could complete their assignments from comfort of their bedroom. Rising from the grave like a necrosis zombie, these individuals are returning to the workplace.

This included all of the job roles that one would expect. Middle and upper management, human resources, finances, and the like all worked nine to five from the comfort of their living room. The remainder of the work force, laborers, drivers, emergency response, electricians, nurses, plumbers, etc… continued to show up each and every day of the panic.

Now that the COVID vaccine is becoming widely available and case numbers are dwindling, the work-from-home crowd is returning to the workplace. These people, who adapted to online meetings, wearing sweatpants 40 hours a week, and no daily commute are in for a rude awakening. Scapegoating safety for any excuse they needed to push a personal agenda, the reality of returning to the workplace is going to hit them like a bucket of cold water to the face. They will have to get used to a space where they will be forced to get along with others, listen to different opinions and conform to office etiquette.

The Good Idea Fairy.

There have been excellent books written about the raid on Osama Bin Laden. Prior to the fateful event when the US Navy Seals took out OBL, there was plenty of discussion on what the best techniques would be and how they conformed to the Rules of Engagement. This was going to be a truly historic event and everyone wanted a piece of the action. In one of the SEALS memoirs he described a phenomenon dubbed as the “Good Idea Fairy”.

The Good Idea Fairy is a nasty little bitch. She shows up when people have too much time on their hands and feelings get hurt easily. During brainstorming sessions, there is pressure to come up with something, anything. Consequently, many BAD IDEAS make their way into the mix. Due to the era of sensitivity we currently live in some of the awful ideas are actually given a ‘go’. When this happens, the Good Idea Fairy has struck again.

Culturing of notoriously misinformed ideas manifested on the OBL raid. It was suggested that during the raid, which was obviously top-secret, that the SEALs announce their arrival to the neighborhood surrounding OBL’s compound. Seriously, you can’t make up this level of stupidity up. Even the most aloof Twitch gamer could tell you that stealth missions rely on one thing… stealth. Announcing your presence during a life or death clandestine operation is the bane of the Good Idea Fairy. Fortunately, this idea was squashed before it became reality. The raid went on to major success and became one of the most famous in modern history.

Return of the King.

During the panic, middle managers have been sitting at home for about a year now. During this time many have had time to think about what they want to do when they return to the office. Essential workers beware, the Good Idea Fairy that has been dancing sugarplum waltzes in manager’s heads is about to unleash Holy Hell on your workplace. The Return of the ‘king’ or ‘queen’ is imminent and the peaceful little fiefdom you built in their absence will be trampled.

Prepare yourself to accept new changes in the workplace once the micro-managers have returned. This includes new policies, endless cleaning and face to face meetings. Dreaded ‘technology upgrades’ are coming your way too. Now that your boss has put on twenty pounds while “doing research” and “checking emails” for eight hours a day, they will want to share what they learned while working from home. No matter that the work place operated as smoothly as ever in their absence, now that they have returned, the wind of change is blowing.

Hypocrisy will be rampant when middle management walks back in the door. Expect certain rules to be enforced, but don’t expect them to follow their own rules. Remember, they weathered shutdowns from the comfort of their couch. Brown nosing employees will be allowed into ‘closed’ offices without masks. Once again, using safety as excuse for any personal grievance, anything the supervisor doesn’t like will become a ‘safety issue’. Rules for thee, not for me.

The joys of social distance.

Many people welcomed shutdowns and working from home on both sides of the fence. Plenty of essential workers had the best year of their careers during C-19 panic. There were less headaches, annoying customers, and fewer cars on the road. Management, many of them introverts, didn’t have show up and pretend to like people they despise. There are silver linings to every black cloud if you know where to look. Some long overdue ‘social distancing’ was embraced with good reason by many.

Now that the luxury of distance is coming to end, the guys and gals who towed the line during the C-19 panic will have to cope with the return of non-essential workers. CFO’s and Human Resources, were looking at you. Trust the hammer swingers, delivery drivers, and grocery store clerks; we never liked you and we’re completely fine with you continuing to work from home. Your cats will miss you more than we ever did. The stress with having to answer to yet another person that was absent for an entire year could effect essential workers. Support your buddies and help them cope with the changes.

Coping with Stay-at-homers returning to the workplace.

When a Stay-at-Homer comes back it’s best to try and take the high road. Remember that these individuals have been within’s arm reach of fridge or steps away from a bathroom for nearly 12 months. Their clothes probably don’t fit anymore. They will be like an uncomfortable adolescent coming back to school after getting braces. They will know that they have been out of the loop for long time and people are gawking at them. Try to make them feel welcome, but be weary of the aforementioned Good Idea Fairy.

Avoid Time Vampires when they walk back into the office after the year of isolation. These people will want to talk to you, steal your time, and distract you from what needs to be done. Likely, they will want to show some new post on their social media. Don’t let them do it. Your time is valuable, and their’s is not. You are essential. They are not. When pipes burst in Texas during the freak cold snap of 2021, absolutely no one said, “Quick! Get me a graphic designer!” Time Vampires suck more than blood. They waste your precious moments in the day. Avoid them and their pointless chatter.

Ugly truth time.

There is an ugly truth to all of this. Essential workers need the UN-essential workers just as much as they need them. Payroll is a pretty essential F’ing job if you expect to keep a company moving. Yes, Payroll can easily work from home, but if your paycheck doesnt’ bounce, thank a Stay-at-homer. You wash my back, I’ll wash yours. Who knows maybe a hot intern will be returning to the workplace!