Written by Cleveland Oakes, April 20th, 2018, at 10:23 a.m.: Tweet to @Oakes945
To Quote R. Kelly “These are my Confessions”
We’ve all had our dirty fantasies. But very few of us have ever crossed the line from where fantasy meets reality. Recently we tracked down a former swinger who has agreed to share his experiences in the Lifestyle.
Eyes Wide Shut
Slickster: So there it’s not every day that someone is willing to talk to us about such an intimate topic, so I’d like to thank you for your time.
K.T.: Of course this is something I’ve wanted to talk about for a while. I’ve been floating the idea of publishing a memoir but I’m not certain how interesting I am.
Slickster: (Laughing) Well I’m pretty damn interested, and I’m certain our readers are too, so let’s begin.
K.T.: Sure
Slickster: So how did you get into swinging in the first place? The whole idea of letting my girl sleep with anyone else male or female is just foreign to me.
K.T.: Well, to be honest, it was foreign to me too. But my ex-wife at the time had started dabbling online and found a bunch of alternative lifestyle websites. At first, I thought it was something she wanted to do as a role play. That eventually escalated into her wanting to watch porn during sex. When that wasn’t enough, we did some exhibitionist things on a webcam. But she still wanted more. Eventually one day she came to me and wanted to do a threesome with her younger sister.
Slickster: Stop the fucking presses! Your ex-wanted you to sleep with you and her sister? Holy shit. What happened?
K.T: Sounds like I porno movie come true right? My ex-wife was Latina. So you can only imagine the images of romping around with two beautiful Latina’s and the kin factor of them being sisters.
Slickster: Man I’m dying right here with you just talking about it. So what happened?
K.T. What happened was I chickened out. It was too much. I thought my wife at the time was playing head games on me. That it was some type of sick loyalty test. When I realized it wasn’t I really freaked out, and just said this is a bad idea and I couldn’t go through with it.
Slickster: Damn
K..T.: Yeah that’s one I kick myself about constantly. So never the less my ex was persistent. And eventually, she found a website that hosted swinging parties in Lofts and Penthouses of New York City.
Slickster: A Website? How does that work?
K.T.: Well all of the legit parties only want couples and single ladies. In addition, there is an interview process in which someone asks for your picture and also wants to talk about the lifestyle and respect on the phone. Needless to say, we passed and we got in. I will never forget the first Loft party we went too. It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.
Slickster: Was it a full-blown orgy?
K.T. No, there was an orgy room called the party room. But the classy ones have an area where you can just be a voyeur, be an exhibitionist, or if you are bold you can dive into the mass of writhing bodies in the party room. Needless to say, we only watched we didn’t participate that first time.
The End of Innocence
Slickster: So when did you stop being a vanilla?
K.T.: (Laughing) Oh my, I see you know the lingo. Okay for those of your readers that don’t know being vanilla means you haven’t done full swinging yet. There are actually different levels of swinging. Some folk’s only heavy pet. Some people only do threesomes with women. And some folks are just voyeurs. We didn’t fully swing until we went to a house party in Jersey City. My ex found it on a website called swinglifestyle.com. It was like an Ok Cupid for swinging couples. In hindsight, I wish that hadn’t been our first experience.
Slickster: Why?
K.T.: Well the truth of the matter is house and hotel parties are much less curated. While the loft parties in NYC were full of beautiful people. The house party and hotel variety are full of much more mundane folks. So instead of sleeping with supermodels, you would find yourself sleeping with soccer moms.
Slickster: That’s not quite what I envisioned.
K.T.: Yeah the funny thing about swinging is you meet all types of people from all walks of life. There is a great episode of its Always Sunny in Philadelphia where the gang decides to become swingers and their first party has literally the dregs of humanity show up for the event.
Slickster: Has that ever happened to you? Have you been catfished?
K.T.: Not really, the community is very small. And for the most part, everyone is nice. Of course, as in regular dating, you do meet people that you just aren’t attracted too. Or you can meet a couple that is a little overzealous in their pursuit of you. I remember there was this one well to do couple that was really unattractive but nice. They were constantly trying to woo us with expensive dinners and concert tickets. We eventually just ghosted them and they got the hint.
Slickster: Okay so what was it like? Can you describe the experience of sleeping with other people?
K.T.: It’s awkward at first. To hear your wife moaning too the touch of another man or woman. But I would really just concentrate on what I was doing. After a while, with a couple of drinks in my belly, it was second nature. The crazy thing is my ex was extremely jealous of me.
Slickster: Wait a jealous swinger? That makes no sense.
K.T.: Tell me about it. There were a lot of things about that relationship that didn’t make any sense. But I digress, she would often make comments afterward about me enjoying myself too much. She would ruin a lot of potential hook-ups if she thought the other girl was cuter than herself. So that was a real nuisance. In regards the actual act of sex, I’ve had guy girl guy hook-ups, and girl guy girl hook-ups. They’ve been decent, but at times because of all the moving pieces, it can get awkward.
The Rules of Engagement
Slickster: Are you still swinging today?
K. T.: No I’m not. My wife and I broke up because the relationship wasn’t always equitable. The number one rule of swinging is no hook-ups outside of the party if your significant other doesn’t know about it. While that rule applied to me, it did not apply to my ex at all. She was liberally going behind my back and hooking up with people. Unfortunately, even though there are people willing to indulge that behavior.
However, it’s a very small community. So she got a bad rep pretty quickly. Our invites started drying up, and when I found out the truth so did our relationship. I’ve indulged at times as a single man, but it’s much more difficult to be in the lifestyle as a single. In additional swinging is a lot of work. It becomes more than a hobby, it can really consume your life. If any woman I’m with now in a serious relationship ever proposed swinging, I would RUN the other way.
Slickster: That’s unfortunate I guess. Before we wrap up is there any advice to would be swingers out there that you would give?
K.T .: Sure. Be prepared. I’ve seen a lot of men go to swinger parties and dump their whole load early. Or are so stressed out they can’t even get hard. It’s a mental and physical game. This isn’t a porn movie. If you want to please multiple women over the course of the night you have to pace yourself. The number of dudes I’ve seen at parties with their dicks in their hands doing nothing is astounding.
Also be clear that you and your partner are on the same page. A good swinging party is about the sexuality of the woman. Women should be taking the lead and making the initial sexual overtures. Women like to feel safe. If you are in a party overloaded with single men, get the hell out of the room.
I once asked a single girl why she came out to swinging parties. And she answered because she wasn’t interested in a relationship and the crowds were vetted and the venues always had tight security. It was safer than going to a nightclub and unlike a nightclub, you knew that you’re going to get fucked for sure by some hot guy by the end of the night.
While I would never get involved with the lifestyle again. It was a very interesting chapter of my life.