Baldocaster is the only musician I listen to every day of my life.
So.. like, it’s synthwave time again. Before you go back to r/incel and lament that Slickster Magazine is composed of nothing but hot chicks with huge boobs and electronic music now, check this out. We heard about Caspro from his BFF Baldocaster a few weeks ago. Lucky for us (and you) he recently upload his most recent album for all of the world and robots to enjoy.
Titled, Memory Drive, and consisting of eight solid tracks of original synthwave, the album may secretly be an A.I. subliminal programming for the Rise of the Droids. We’re not talking about those SJW wannabes from Solo, A Social Justice Wars Movie. We’re talking about a T-800, rip your face off and steal-your-babe driods.
Caspro was initially hesitant to interview with Slickster Mag. This is the equivalent of having a 12” Italian Subway sandwich sitting on your living room table. Eventually you’re going to cave in and gorge it all in one sitting.
Fortunately, Caspro relented and agreed to answer some questions, but on one condition – He would only talk to us as long as the interview wasn’t too serious. We capitulated on our journalistic integrity. (*Editor’s note – Slickster is known for groundbreaking scholarly articles such as How to masturbate without getting caught and The Art of the Upper Decker: A step by step guide.)
Warning to the reader: don’t take what follows to seriously and just enjoy it…. or be an incel. I don’t care, whatever.
Slickster: Synthwave is all about recognizing the radness and reinterpreting the halcyon days of the 1980’s synthesizer music. However, the eighties was also about two more important things – Time Machines and big hair. Do you feel that these two topics are pretty much what defines your music?
Caspro: Absolutely. I always recommend that you give yourself big hair and time travel before listening to my music. You can’t fully immerse yourself in the musical worlds I’ve created until you’ve done so. I’ve spent hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of hours in the studio and firmly believe that I accomplished an array of tight bass kicks and good ole’ hard synth leads for your ears. I want you ALL to experience my VISION in STEREO SOUND, but first nail the art of big hair and time travel.
Slickster: Wow… that’s god damn impressive. How frequently do you time travel?
Caspro: Every third Sunday, right after I netflix and chill with my unboxed R.O.B. the Robot and Vectrex nearby.
Slickster: We did have a time machine at Slickster HQ. It was nothing like a sweet ass Delorean, but you more like a Aldi’s clearance version… anyway, the interns kept using it outside of business hours to visit the future, where apparently South Korea has PERFECTED the sex robot. It has something to with reversing the effects of Peripheral neuropathy and combining it with an Accu-jack 4000. Long story short – we couldn’t continue disinfecting the time machine and keep paying the writer’s salaries, so we had to get rid of it. Has that ever happened to you?
Caspro: Yes, and it was very tragic! I still think about my former ghost writers and time machine. Rumor has it that some of the ghost writers went on to work with class acts like Baldocaster, others imported sex bots from South Korea and were never seen or heard from again. Such tragic, much sad.
Slickster: Well… that IS tragic! As everyone knows, you can neither achieve time travel or an erection with out the aid of a computer. The title of your album, Memory Drive, which was released on January 25th, 2019, is like the perfect homage to computers. You can have memory on your computer, just as you can have drives, but there is no such thing as a memory drive… even though it sounds like there should be.
Also, going one step further, the double entedre of ‘drive’ endears itself to the synthwave genre. There are plenty of synthwave albums, artists, and artwork that celebrate the incessant fasciation of the 80’s relationship with sports cars. Was this what you had in mind when you came up with the title of the album?
Caspro: The title has a few different meanings, all of which are pretty deep, not something you incels will ever experience with a woman. The first meaning can be taken literally, as in you can store memories like photos and music on a hard drive. Another meaning is that we all drive through memories through retrospection. Another meaning is a shout out to the movie Total Recall and PKD’s story about authentic vs synthetic memories.
Slickster: We noticed that Memory Drive was mastered by Tonebox. How did your musical buddy Baldocaster react when he found out you were cheating on him?
Caspro: He’s recovering well, thanks for asking. He’s now dating Hackerman.
Slickster: If there was a remake of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, and you and Baldocaster were cast to be the leads in the movie, who would play the role of Bill and who would play the role of Ted?
Caspro: I’ve never seen the original Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. I’ll turn in my synthwave badge and gun with the synthchief at the mall’s security desk and leave quietly with my head tucked down. I won’t even make eye contact with the lotion boss who runs kiosk 7.
Slickster: [Keauno surfer accent] Whoa! Excellent! Ok. Same question, different Keauno Reeeves movie – In a remake of Point Break (not the shitty Go-Pro Monster N-r-G drink one from 2016), who would portray Johnny Utah and who would play Bodhi?
Caspro: So first off I’m offended by everything you just said. I’m sipping on a cold Monster Energy drink as I type this and think Go-Pros are super effective for film! Monster Energy drinks are the champagne of energy drinks and what other camera angle can compete with POV? The remake of Point break was delightful and better than the original. Nothing tops a Sunday afternoon with cold Monster energy in hand, Axe body spray on pits and chesty, and Point Break circa 2015 baby!
I feel like Luke Bracey’s role as supreme leader Cobra in G.I. Joe really prepared him for the role of Utah. The remake features amazing cinematography, super FUN extreme sports scenes, really engrossing story telling and abstract action… but if it was made again, I’d cast myself as both Utah and Bodhi.
Slickster: Uh.. Ok, ok. Chill out Bevis. Other than Baldocaster, who are some of your favorite musicians in the synthwave genre right now?
Caspro: Honestly no one. Baldocaster is the only musician I listen to every day of my life. In all honesty, I listen to a wide range of music. Everything from synthwave to EDM to death metal. I’ve recently been head banging to Mitch Murder, Chromeo, Dan Mason, Robots with Rayguns, Hunter Complex, The Bad Dreamers, MAVS and more. I’m always looking for new sounds that evoke good feelings, creativity and inspiration.
Slickster: Yeah, those guys are good and stuff, but let’s get retro. Who do you think would win a Robot Jox, Battle-Mech fight between Jan Hammer and Harold Faltermeyer?
Caspro: Get back to me when you’ve asked a question that refers to the one and only robot fighter, Arnold Alois Schwarzenegger.
Slickster: Is it just me, or were the girls in the 80s some of the hottest the world has ever known? I mean, when I want to whack one off, I skip completely over the P•rnhub and Xh•mster and go straight to Miss Hot Body Contest 1988. You know what…. on second thought, don’t answer that question. Just promise us that if you ever create a music video for one of the eight tracks on Memory Drive, that you’ll include at LEAST one babe in neon spandex performing slutty aerobics.
Caspro: The only people I want to see in neon spandex performing slutty aerobics to my music are Baldocaster or Stilz.
Slickster: That’s disturbing, but hey man, it’s your art and stuff. The third track on the album, Cloud Passage, seems to a crowd favorite on the album. Is there one particular track on Memory Drive that says to you, “This is it! I have fully realized my vision”… aka a favorite track?
Caspro: It’s true that Cloud Passage is a crowd and fan favorite, and it’s also true that Cloud Passage was nominated for multiple awards, including “Best Sexy Synthwave Song”, “Best Attempt at Making Noise”, “Sexiest Producer”, “Would Most Likely Bang a Robot To” and “Best in the Box”, but my favorite track is the unreleased BONUS track featuring Hatsune Miku. Look out for its premiere during my upcoming fully holographic tour.
Slickster: Caspro, thanks for chatting with Slickster magaizne, and good luck on all your musical success. Any final last words before we wrap this interview up?
Caspro: Wooo. Thanks for having me! It was a lotta HARD WORK to make an album like Memory Drive. I’m glad that you guys and internet dig it. Mission accomplished!