Greco-Roman Badass #2 – Agis III
Surprise, surprise we’ve come to another Spartan. Why is Agis III put above his city of badasses? Simple really. the man was harder to kill than Deadpool. Taking command after his father’s death, Agis was the badass mother fucker of badass mother fuckers in Sparta. Despite taking over during one of the Spartan low points, he was a successful ruler. Until that asshole, Alexander the Great showed up. Deciding he wanted to take over pretty much everywhere, Agis III had his work cut out for him. Going to war with a few other city-states by his side, he laid siege to Megalopolis. During the battle, the army this guy lead was outnumbered about 2:1 against the Macedonian army. This is where things go from run of the mill badass to being a fucking legend. Even when you have balls the size of Olympus, Agis III, and his men soon learned that the numbers never lie. Despite being first in line to slice every Macedonian fucker in range, Agis and his men would soon be routed. Agis meanwhile would take so many blows, cuts, and wounds that his body would resemble uncooked Philly Cheesteak. But was that enough to kill him? His men certainly thought so when they were carrying him off the field on his shield. Seeing the end was nigh, Ol’ A3 decided he was going to wreck shit to his last breath. Ordering his men to retreat behind the shadow of his 10-ton-dick, Agis got on his knees and turned into a human blender. Slicing and dicing his way through several Macedonians, they decided “fuck that” and slung a spear through his chest. Even when Agis was at his end, nobody wanted to fuck with the Spartan King.