You should really look for some alternatives to soda, dude. It’s really bad for you. Like, reaaaalllllyyyy bad for you. Ready for a shocker? Those six-packs of Diet Vanilla Coca-Cola Zero Calorie Super Zen Editions you slug every day… ARE REALLY FUCKING BAD FOR YOU. So if you like dying early, by all means, keep chugging away. But just so we’re clear, an unchecked addiction to sugary soda includes the following:
- Weight gain from not feeling full due high amounts of fructose.
- Large stores of fat from sucrose conversion by the liver.
- DIABETES
- Empty calories with zero vitamins, minerals, or fiber.
- Increased risk for heart disease.
- Increased risk for pancreatic or colorectal cancer.
- Slowly melting your teeth into nubs from the sugars and acids.
- You won’t be able to get it up.
- Dementia risks! Enjoy that sugar buzz you’ve got, because that will go away in an awful way.
So now that you understand just how stupid it is to be drinking this stuff like water, let’s look at some healthy alternatives to soda:
Water
This should come as no surprise. Water is the staple of all things alive. Hell, because of water on Mars there’s a race to get there first and colonize the planet!
Drinking water is a really simple (and boring) alternative, but it really is just a damn good substitute for soda. So guys, get some H2O in your body! Besides keeping you hydrated so you don’t DIE, there’s a lot of other benefits for sticking to the clear stuff:
- Prevents kidney stones
- Improves weight loss
- Prevents hangovers
- Helps prevent erectile dysfunction
- Helps improve mental power
- Higher overall energy
- Physical performance improvements
So yeah, water is about as good as it gets for alternatives to soda. And if you ever need a couple laughs while you’re at it head over to Reddit at /r/HydroHomies. Because what better way to start drinking water if you’ve got bros peer pressuring you into it? But maybe, regular water is a little… boring. What other alternatives are there?
Sparkling Water
Isn’t this just the same as regular water? Yes and no. Yes it’s still water, however this water has been carbonated giving it the softly bubbling fizz we associate with sodas. (Another name for sparkling water is soda water.)
Typically these drinks are had with some kind of a fruity twist. These can be traditional flavors like lemon, lime, cherry, or orange. Or it could be something along the lines of cucumber mint, blueberry açaí, or West Chinese Goji Berry. (I have no idea if the last one is real.)
Unlike regular soda, sparkling water doesn’t come with the caffeine, sugar, or other wacky ingredients they sneak in. (Partially hydroginated non-fat high fructose corn syrup anybody?) Mentally, your brain could have an easier time switching to this because of the familiar sensation to regular soda, giving you a mental edge in your war on empty calories.
Seltzer water used to have a negative reputation in the U.S. among guys; being seen as a feminine drink or some shit. But men are starting to realize that judging people by the type of water they drink is really stupid. The Bro Code dictates that making healthy choices is something to be encouraged. So if you need a fizzy and more flavorful alternative to the sugary caffeinated world of pop, give sparkling water a try.
But what if I still want caffeine?
Tea
Whether it’s green or black, hot or cold, tea is one of the oldest drinks in existence. Thought to have been created when a tea tree leaf was blown into the hot water of an emperor in China, tea has been around for thousands of years.
A common favorite of eastern medicine, tea has something of a mythic status. But to stick to just what science has been telling us. Coming in with about half the caffeine of soda, tea is a good way to ween yourself off that jittery addiction. Besides helping decrease your caffeine intake, tea can also help several other ways:
- Improved digestion
- Antioxidants to flush out pollution
- Reduce risks for heart attack and stroke
- Preventing bone loss (You’ll really like this one when you’re older)
- Prevention of cavities (It doesn’t wear down tooth enamel either)
- 0 calories (when it’s pure that is)
Another newer way to enjoy your tea is with kombucha. A favorite of health bros and hipsters everywhere. A type of fermented tea that’s slightly alcoholic, kombucha won’t get you buzzed, but it can help provide your gut with good bacteria and provide antioxidants. So if you’re curious about trying the latest craze, give it a go! More research is pouring in and it points to good things for kombucha.
So whether you need some ice tea with a shot of lemon, some fermented Himalayan brew, or you’d like a hot cup of green tea, consider reaching for the bags or strainer instead of the 2 liter.
Coffee
A favorite of the Wall Street Prowler, Struggling Artist, and Parent up at 4 with a Crying Baby, coffee is ingrained in American culture. While much of the world prefers a cup of tea to start the morning, American’s can’t get enough of a hot Cup of Joe.
Caffeine in coffee is typically a bit higher than what you’d get in a can of Coke, Pepsi, or Dr. Pepper. So if you really need a kick in the morning, a fresh brew of coffee could be the answer.
Coffee’s health benefits are pretty inline with the other alternatives to soda that we’ve listed so far. So rather than repeat myself too much, I’m going to list some of the unique benefits that coffee can give.
- Lowered risk of Parkinson’s
- Fighting off Depression
- A better sex life.
- Contains essential nutrients like Vitamins B2, B3, B5, manganese and potassium.
- Metabolic rate boosts of 3-11%
- Living longer in general
Gentlemen, it’s time to ditch the sodapop bullshit and grab something else. It’s time to get something that get actually benefit you. Don’t try to just replace one with the other either, try a healthy mix of all these different options, along with exercise and you’ll be going from a soda gut, to six pack in no time.