How to Shoot a Big Load

So, apparently a lot of our readers have been searching for and reading our article, How to masturbate without getting caught.  To be honest, when we published it, it was on a dare and totally a joke.  Somehow the common sense how to guide to choking the chicken took hold, and now people around the world are actually reading it.  Lock the door, dumbass. Sheesh…

Well, in the era of internet porn, we might as well ‘go there’ and examine another one of the wonders of male life.  In Shakesperian dialect, “How to nut more?“.  In more medically grounded jargon, what creates large ejaculatory volume?  And, just in case you have no idea what we’re talking about, here’s Wikipedia to clear it up:

Semen, also known as seminal fluid, is an organic fluid that may contain spermatozoa. Semen is produced and originates from the seminal vesicle, which is located in the pelvis. The process that results in the discharge of semen is called ejaculation.

Here are 3 ways to increase seminal fluid.  Oh, and we’re not doctors or scientists,  so don’t take this seriously.  Also, we’re not getting any money from penis pills marketing companies either.

Boost Testosterone

Contrary to what SJW’s would have you believe, not all men are created equal.  Recently we had a guest writer, Chef Joe, give us a step-by-step guide on how to biohack testosterone.  While most of you will never become a pornstar, there are simple things you can do to boost your male hormone that pretty much… makes you a man.  Quickly stated, testosterone is the steroid hormone that hormone that stimulates development of male secondary sexual characteristics.  You know, like, growth of facial hair, a deeper baritone voice, the sudden urge to get off the couch, sharpen an axe and go chop down a tree… shit like that.  By boosting testosterone naturally you may be able to shoot a bigger load.

Oh, and if you need a guide on how to be a manly too, check this out.

Hydrate

Since we’re talking about fluids and plasma, this just makes sense.  The human male body is comprised of about 60% water.  This is vital to the survival of almost every major function within the organism. From manufacturing hormones (see above), to lubing joints, or shock absorbing catastrophic hits to the body,  without a doubt, staying properly hydrated is one of the best daily activities you can do to help you cum more.

Even if it doesn’t actually increase the size of your load, maintaining a proper amount of water in the body’s tissue is good business practice.  Think about this; You’re stranded in the middle of a desert.  What kills you first, lack of food or lack of water?   The answer – Lack of high speed internet! Seriously, according to the Mayo Clinic, you need 8x eight ounce glasses of water per day.  That’s approximately 1.9 liters.  Bottoms up and you’ll be on your way to some firehose worthy loads.

Abstain

We all know that squirrels stash away their nuts for the winter.  Be like a squirrel and avoid coming for a set period of time.  While there is a lot of evidence beginning to surface about the effects of dopamine addiction in the high definition porn streaming era, break free from the cycle.  Now, this is assuming you aren’t Wilt Chamberlin and have your own personal harem of willing participants.  This particular urban legend about abstaining  goes something like this… When you haven’t blown your load in a while, your system naturally retains and stores the semen inside your body.   Think about it like a resovior for a dam.  Then after an undetermined amount of time, you happen to succumb to the edge to rub one out or maybe even get lucky with that girl next door. The dam will burst and a flash flood of man-anise will shoot spectacularly from your love gun.

Hope you laughed when you read this.  Have any tips on HOW TO SHOOT A BIG LOAD?  Leave them in the comments below.