5 HELLA aggravating things people do at gyms

We are three weeks into New Years Resolutions.  Already, the overcrowding that was commonplace during the last twenty-one days is seeing noticeable decline.  People have good intentions of losing weight or shaping up for summer, but lack the discipline to see it through.  It’s easier to hit snooze on your bedside alarm clock than it is to hit the weights.  As always during this time of year, gym rats and regulars see the doofus behavior of the here-today-gone-tomorrow crowd.  Here are five aggravating things we noticed during the past three weeks in the gym.

Guys taking their shirts off in the cardio room

We know it’s hot and you’re going to sweat.  That’s the whole fucking point.  No one wants to see your middle-age ‘used to play third base’, desk jockey gut.  Put your pasty white belly and flabby arms away.  And so what? You’re ripped like The Wolverine.  Big deal! That still doesn’t give you a pass to be a duchebag.  You’re just the….

Attention whore

There’s no mistaking when she walks into the room, because heads start turning.  Some women come to the gym dressed more like strippers than someone who is about to exercise, then get offended when guys stare at them.  There’s nothing wrong with a fit woman rocking tight spandex and wearing a game face. We’re all there to workout after all.  But there are a few attention whores who spend more time working on their make-up in front of the mirror than working on their form.

Talking on your cell phone

This might be the #1 thing that we have seen over that past three weeks.  Never mind the signs plastered over every wall reminding people that CELL PHONES ARE NOT ALLOWED while working out, dumb asses just keep them glued to their ears.  Maybe it’s a just a sign of the times, and how addicted we are as a culture to drip-dopamine inducing cell phones, but just SHUT THE FUCK UP for 45 mins while you half-ass your time on a recumbent bicycle.

Wearing nothing but speedos to talk to the front desk

Yeah, so this next aggravating thing people do at gyms actually happened.  Many gyms are family friendly now, and there are kids in day care rooms while mom and dad work out.  The other day a middle age dude, who hadn’t seen the sun in about 12 years or bothered to work on his fitness, strolls out to the front desk in blue speedos.  I have no idea what he was talking about but it went on, and on, on…. Standing at the front desk in your banana hammock isn’t appropriate.  Wrap a towel around your waste (waist) for fuck’s sake.

Horrible personal hygiene

Working out means sweat.  Sweat mean body odor.  Any guy who grew up lifting weights for school sports can tell you, there is a distinct smell to a weight room.  But don’t cross the line.   If your gym clothes smell like Lindsay Lohan’s pussy after getting gang-banged by a team of donkeys, have some fucking self respect and wash your clothes.  Brush your teeth before you start spewing garlic breath over the entire room, and wipe down the bench when you are done with it.