10 must-follow rules for guys at the gym

Now that summer is nearly over, many guys who like exercising outdoors are heading back inside to get away from inclement weather.  Its a good time to refresh some etiquette for the gym.  Here is a list of ten rules that every guy who goes to the gym needs to do.  Which ones do you already do?  Which ones do you need to work on?

1. Always bring a padlock.

It doesn’t matter how safe your neighborhood gym is.  If you don’t lock up your belongings, you asking for trouble. Most petty theft are “crimes of opportunity”.  That means, someone sees your new iPhone sitting on the top shelf of your locker and then you close the door and walk away.  All he has to do is go over, open the door an walkout with your new $1,000 dollar phone.  It’s your fault. Even a cheap $3 dollar Masterlock is better than nothing.

2. Keep the padlock locked and shut when not using it.

Following up on #1, when you are not using your lock, keep it locked.  That will force you to remember the combination code or find the key before you secure your bag, equipment, wallet, jewelry, etc… There’s a reason they keep bolt cutters on-hand at gyms.  Keeping your padlock locked will reinforce the secret code in your mind.

3. On the gym floor, work your muscles, not your mouth.

Despite what your grandma told you, the sun doesn’t revolve around you.  Unless you’re the Terminator, Arnold Schawzenegger himself, no one cares what you have to talk about.  Besides, if you can hold a normal conversation while exercising (esp. cardio) you’re not working hard enough.  S.T.F.U. and get to work!

4. ….Work your body, not the mirror in front of you.

Did you come to flex in front of the mirror, or lift weights? We all want to look and feel better about our bodies. It’s part of why we go to the gym in the first place, but save the flexing for the privacy of your own bathroom.  If you spend more time looking at yourself in the mirror than focusing on your form, you are prioritizing narcissistic impulses instead of having a kick ass workout.  Still can’t stop from looking? Take the mirrors off the wall if you can.

5. ….Work your endurance, not your phone.

Are you seeing a pattern yet?  One of the worst (and most annoying) things someone can do at the gym is bring their phone on the workout floor. It distracts them from getting results and can interrupt others around them.  Taking selfies in the gym is lame, and even more lame is monopolizing a piece of equipment while you update your Instagram page or send a text message.  It can wait!  What can’t wait is the line of other guys who want and need to use the lat pulldown or cable crossover machine.  Leave your phone in your locker and keep it locked up.

6. Learn to recognize when a girl wants to be approached and when they do not.

This is a tough one, because many big box fitness centers can become meat markets during peak hours.  You know how it goes, at 5:30pm the gym floods with every single bachelor and bachelorette. They arrive from their desk jobs and have the dual mission objective of burning off stress, calories from donuts in the break room, and checking out the equal and opposite sex. It’s primal behavior distilled into one modern mating ritual.

Guys must learn to read the body language of ladies in the gym.  For example, if she is brave enough to leave the safety of the treadmill and use freeweights, she has headphones on, and is wearing no makeup to speak of…. she wants to be left alone.  She didn’t ask you to spot her, doesn’t want your critique of her form, and isn’t interested in you at all.  (*See The Terminator exception from Rule #3) Leave her alone and you might win her respect if she sees you consistently matching her intensity during exercise sessions.

On the other hand, maybe she is violating Rule #5 and snapping selfies for Snapchat the entire time she is in the gym.  Her makeup is done to perfection and she keeps initating conversation with you when you step on the elliptical trainer.  This is your cue to engage in casual, funny chat, and set a time or place to continue talking to her outside of the gym.  Remember, what you say and do right here is going to depend if you get stuck into her “friend zone” or her “F**k zone”.  Play your cards rights and you could be hooking up with a girl you already know takes good care of her body.

7. Keep the nudity in the locker room to a bare minimum.

Gyms are dirty. Sweat, chlorine, blood, and grease are just a few of the things you need to wash off your skin after a heavy workout.  Nudity in the locker room is inevitable, but doesn’t have to be gratuitous.  We’re not saying that you need to dress inside your clothes, but don’t be the guy who stands butt ass naked at the sink shaving for 20 mins.  Then, wearing only flip-flops, he walks over to the lockers and lets his nut sack hangout with the carefree spirit of an forest elf.  Workout, shower, dress and get out.  They gym isn’t your whole life, it’s just a part of it.  Besides, if you took care of business in Rule #6, the flirty girl on the cardio equipment might be waiting for you at the juice bar for a post-workout date.

8. Be sure to use the water slide or diving board at least once per lap swim session.

When we grow up, we tend to lose the part of ourselves that didn’t care about anything but having fun.  Which young kid chooses to lap swim over doing backflips off the diving board or ripping down the water slide?  The answer is none.  But being an adult has it’s advantages too, like drinking with your buds till 2 a.m. and still going to work the next day hungover as fuck!  That being said, once you finish a hard core 1500 meter master swim, make the effort to reconnect with the kid in you by having just a little fun.  Try it once and watch what happens… Once you, the mature adult, jumps off the diving board into a massive cannonball, see if other grownups don’t follow suit.  We all like being a kid again, even if it’s just for a second.

9 . Don’t talk politics in the locker room.

I covered this extensively in a full blog post.  You can read the entire post here: Locker Room Politics – Do’s and Don’ts (Mostly Don’ts)

10. Learn the first name of everyone at the front desk and use it to greet them when you arrive and leave.

This simple business practice will pay dividends in the long run.  Not only will you get better service, you may even get some fringe benefits.  Here’s an example; One time a gym I was a member had had a pipe burst and flood the entire floor.  They had to shut down for two weeks and we couldn’t get in.  I had greeted all the front desk staff by name for months straight, and when the gym finally reopened, instead of getting pissed off at the employees, I walked in and said hello again.  Most members only got the two weeks tacked on to their memberships for the weeks they missed.  I got two months extra without even asking for it.  Never underestimate the power of using someone’s name by memory and saying a genuine hello to them.  This rule applies in life, business, and the gym too.